Don't Walk In My Head With Dirty Feet

“Scars are the proof that a healing has taken place” Chuck Mingo

A friend or I should say an acquaintance posted the above as his status. Chewing on this for awhile I could not shake the one dimensional conclusion this offered. I posted a response stating “Perhaps, but scars can merely be an indication that a wound has occurred, not necessarily that a healing has taken place.” He deleted my comment and followed up by saying “Not angry. Just choosing not to accept words that don’t encourage.” Let me paraphrase that, “Your thoughts are only important if you agree with me.” Out of loving kindness I deleted his ass. If a person puts something on a public forum and only allows certain comments that reflect their own opinions to be valid then I don’t need them to ‘walk in my head with dirty feet.’ In fact, I’m cleaning house in many areas of my life where people leave their toxic residue.

All of us have suffered. Certain smells or sounds can trigger uncomfortable moments in our history. Unexpectant thoughts appear for only a second but the lingering effect can loom for days. There are some things that take more than time to heal. Acceptance I understand is the key to all my problems, according to the Big Book, but crossing that bridge will take more than platitudes.

I suffered beatings in my childhood and healed physically, with minor exceptions, but emotionally I’m far from being ok. I’ve been diagnosed by two therapists as suffering from PTSD. I guess that post triggered a massive frustration I’ve encountered with beliefs proclaiming the power of positive thinking and the power of prayer. If you don’t think bad things then bad things won’t happen. If one can only pray the right prayer then your prayers will be answered. If we could just forgive and forget we can live in harmony with our fellow man. After much striving to adhere to these principles I can say without reservation that it’s all complete bullshit. Years of prayer and rainbow thoughts and I still calculate motive when someone comes within three feet of me.

Experiences can build or break. We all display scars of our journey but some healings are only skin deep.