I attend an AA meeting famous for the soup it serves. The regulars take turns providing culinary delights and the saying “too much is plenty” always applies. For those who don’t like soup that early in the morning there’s a box of donuts available. It’s ironic to attend one twelve step group only to trigger the overeating compulsion focus of another twelve step group. The people are dynamic and the laughter contagious. I know that’s what keeps me coming back. I’ve listened to their stories and some seem truly horrific and impossible to live with, yet there is joy and freedom that only comes from those who are truly free. Who wouldn’t want to surround themselves with people such as this? In a nut shell, I want what they have.
“Survey Says!”
The meeting format for the Soup Group is to read a question, the whole room offers an opinion as to what the correct answer might be and at the end the answer is read aloud from the Big Book. One particular meeting stands out and the question posed was “What is the foundation stone of our recovery?” Almost everybody answered “honesty” and told of their attempts to be honest with themselves and others. “If we are not honest we can’t stay sober” many said. Some confessed they spent thousands of dollars on therapy only to find recovery when they got honest. A few contributed a recovery foundation consisting of ‘going to meetings’ and ‘taking care of themselves.’ The answer was read and a room full of wisdom having some in attendance with over thirty years sobriety got it wrong. The Big Book answer was, “Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery.” There was a collective moan as it was read followed by laughter. Service to others never even showed up on our radar.
It’s All About Moi
Considering this, I see a huge divide with today’s current focus on self and the yesteryear’s belief held by the original founders. “ME” is the new island unto us. I have heard so many repeat, “This is a selfish program” and I couldn’t disagree more. Many such as me have picked up on this “false teaching” early in recovery and run with it. Alcoholics and addicts are selfish by nature so any encouragement to continue in that behavior will be adhered to. People have boasted of avoiding family responsibilities or refusing certain work schedules in order to attend meetings. Shitty behavior wrapped in noble intent. Broken families, lost jobs and the inevitable relapse are usually the aftermath of, “I’m doing this for ME” mentality. I speak from experience not condemnation having several relapses in 24 years. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say anything about selfishness being a character trait of recovery. One of the founders of AA made it a point to share, “Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others.” Who thinks this way in today’s society!? I’m sure if modern therapy indoctrinations were available his attitude would have been, “I pray for myself and in so doing obtain my own happiness and then, and only then, can I be of benefit to others if it benefits me as well” The humble, selfless efforts of a hundred or so recovered alcoholics in the 1930’s could not have made a global impact if their teaching consisted of “Self Fulfillment” rather than “Selfless Acts”.
“It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again”
“Survey Says!”
The meeting format for the Soup Group is to read a question, the whole room offers an opinion as to what the correct answer might be and at the end the answer is read aloud from the Big Book. One particular meeting stands out and the question posed was “What is the foundation stone of our recovery?” Almost everybody answered “honesty” and told of their attempts to be honest with themselves and others. “If we are not honest we can’t stay sober” many said. Some confessed they spent thousands of dollars on therapy only to find recovery when they got honest. A few contributed a recovery foundation consisting of ‘going to meetings’ and ‘taking care of themselves.’ The answer was read and a room full of wisdom having some in attendance with over thirty years sobriety got it wrong. The Big Book answer was, “Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery.” There was a collective moan as it was read followed by laughter. Service to others never even showed up on our radar.
It’s All About Moi
Considering this, I see a huge divide with today’s current focus on self and the yesteryear’s belief held by the original founders. “ME” is the new island unto us. I have heard so many repeat, “This is a selfish program” and I couldn’t disagree more. Many such as me have picked up on this “false teaching” early in recovery and run with it. Alcoholics and addicts are selfish by nature so any encouragement to continue in that behavior will be adhered to. People have boasted of avoiding family responsibilities or refusing certain work schedules in order to attend meetings. Shitty behavior wrapped in noble intent. Broken families, lost jobs and the inevitable relapse are usually the aftermath of, “I’m doing this for ME” mentality. I speak from experience not condemnation having several relapses in 24 years. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say anything about selfishness being a character trait of recovery. One of the founders of AA made it a point to share, “Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others.” Who thinks this way in today’s society!? I’m sure if modern therapy indoctrinations were available his attitude would have been, “I pray for myself and in so doing obtain my own happiness and then, and only then, can I be of benefit to others if it benefits me as well” The humble, selfless efforts of a hundred or so recovered alcoholics in the 1930’s could not have made a global impact if their teaching consisted of “Self Fulfillment” rather than “Selfless Acts”.
“It’s Déjà Vu All Over Again”
“If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!”
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!”
“The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.” Great. Here we go again. I already mentioned I want what they have and I’m pretty sure I’ve been “properly horrified” by my disease to be willing to go to any lengths, but now once again God has the corner on this happiness as well? I tried that route and was as willing as any. I’m reminded or Woody Allen trying to convince a priest he wanted to be Catholic saying, “I’ll dye Eater eggs. Whatever it takes!” I don’t mind admitting that I’m a little nervous about the spiritual aspect having experienced the left foot of fellowship. And I'm not sure about what I can't see. As C.S. Lewis said, “When people say they’re searching for God it’s like the mice saying they are hoping to find the cat.” I’d rather keep my distance and hope for a letter to be delivered detailing the missing ingredients that seem to have eluded my being successful in recovery. But, I have a feeling a portion of the missing ingredients would be trust. That would cover the tangible and the Invisible. Flipping through the pages of the Big Book my eyes settled on this:
“Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.”
My thought process has been if perfection is not the end result then it’s not worth doing. I was told I had to be perfected in Christ which always seemed to be a failed voyage before leaving port. Contemplating on this it’s no wonder my sponsor said, “Forget everything you’ve done up to this point, obviously it hasn’t worked.” The advice from the pages continues.
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”
Perhaps if Christianity took this approach it would have been more attractive to me? Demanding one believe, repent and “shut the door on the past” all within a horribly urgent five minute conversation seems an impetuous act. Perhaps this “birthing process” of the new man does come slowly to some?
“When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did.” I wouldn’t mind being proven wrong regarding these matters if I can laugh like those sharing their joy over a bowl of soup.
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